I can’t talk about sex. It is an intimate experience that often generates unwanted gossip and babies. We all think about it and embarrass ourselves over it, we sell it and condemn it simultaneously, it is naturally perverted and occasionally transcendent, and I could not do it justice with such a heinously unsexy sentence. Though I have no trouble telling you how I feel about this.
I can’t talk about politics. Will you be angry if I say I’m a _____________? Do drone strikes and fracking sound like bad ideas to you? Are we cool with laundering drug money to keep our economy moving? And I don’t mean legal bud. I think that’s the one thing we can all agree we did right ;)
I can’t talk about race. A professor told me that it doesn’t exist, once. It certainly seems like it does, since we’re always oppressing at least one group of people solely based on their ancestry. I get it, we came from different tribes and were taught to fear outsiders, but those days are over. I’ll defer to professional comedians regarding the race discussion.
I can’t talk about religion. The news taught me I’ll get blown up if I believe the wrong thing, and history proves it’s an inordinately violent undertaking. Then again, if I had ingested psilocybin and heard a voice in my head instruct me on how to propagate my bloodline I’d trust in a higher power too.
I can’t talk about money. It’s the mechanism running our entire way of life, but is considered uncouth to discuss. It breeds envy, wrath, greed and sloth yet if you don’t want it you’re crazy. If you disengage with it you’re a failure, if you try to improve it you’re a fool. And it’s not even shiny anymore!
I can’t talk about food. I’m too concerned I’m going to buy a mutant tomato lacquered in chemicals. And they keep changing what’s healthy – are grains even in the pyramid anymore? Besides, no one wants to hear about what you’re eating because how could it possibly affect them in any way?
I can’t talk about technology. We are so inundated by its omnipresence that we can’t imagine life without machines. And it changes so fast that by the time I master how to speak with my thumbs we’ll already have reached the singularity. At least the games are fun, as long as you don’t get addicted.
I can’t talk about myself. Everyone else is doing that already. Talking about themselves, I mean, not me. Why add another voice into such a noisy arena? What could I possibly have to offer? No one is asking for my opinion, but we have to be able to talk about something. So what else is there to talk about?
I can’t talk about politics. Will you be angry if I say I’m a _____________? Do drone strikes and fracking sound like bad ideas to you? Are we cool with laundering drug money to keep our economy moving? And I don’t mean legal bud. I think that’s the one thing we can all agree we did right ;)
I can’t talk about race. A professor told me that it doesn’t exist, once. It certainly seems like it does, since we’re always oppressing at least one group of people solely based on their ancestry. I get it, we came from different tribes and were taught to fear outsiders, but those days are over. I’ll defer to professional comedians regarding the race discussion.
I can’t talk about religion. The news taught me I’ll get blown up if I believe the wrong thing, and history proves it’s an inordinately violent undertaking. Then again, if I had ingested psilocybin and heard a voice in my head instruct me on how to propagate my bloodline I’d trust in a higher power too.
I can’t talk about money. It’s the mechanism running our entire way of life, but is considered uncouth to discuss. It breeds envy, wrath, greed and sloth yet if you don’t want it you’re crazy. If you disengage with it you’re a failure, if you try to improve it you’re a fool. And it’s not even shiny anymore!
I can’t talk about food. I’m too concerned I’m going to buy a mutant tomato lacquered in chemicals. And they keep changing what’s healthy – are grains even in the pyramid anymore? Besides, no one wants to hear about what you’re eating because how could it possibly affect them in any way?
I can’t talk about technology. We are so inundated by its omnipresence that we can’t imagine life without machines. And it changes so fast that by the time I master how to speak with my thumbs we’ll already have reached the singularity. At least the games are fun, as long as you don’t get addicted.
I can’t talk about myself. Everyone else is doing that already. Talking about themselves, I mean, not me. Why add another voice into such a noisy arena? What could I possibly have to offer? No one is asking for my opinion, but we have to be able to talk about something. So what else is there to talk about?